L.L. Wohlwend

Look, you know Nancy; she’s always getting herself in a jam. Too busy peeping in windows to notice the man in the mask sneaking up on her. Now the police are involved, and they’re trying to find this old clock and all that rare silver the Hendricks used to display in that first-floor window. Where’s her boyfriend? At school? Hanging with the MAGA bros? What use is he? Oh wait, trick question.

Abortion rights slipping away, the VP calling for male-only voting; I figure I’m not above making literary drinking my new American pastime.

Since Nancy’s always getting herself in a fix, let’s celebrate George instead. Remember her? Bess’s cousin. Tall, brash, and named for a boy, she was the girl I wanted to be. Not Nancy in her aqua dresses with a fraternity boyfriend. It was George. She never got enough time on the page.

In honor of George and the year we need to survive, here are the rules:

1. Grab a bunch of jolly friends. Preference for fans of literature, girl gangs, people who like reading out loud, and it wouldn’t hurt the evening’s chances of success if you had TWO actors in the crowd. (One actor and suddenly it’s all about them.)
2. Get used copies of a Nancy Drew book—preferably one before the 1990s. (Sure, you can pass around the same book in a circle, but for a couple of measly dollars you can find used copies online and prevent the same book from getting so hand-worn that it looks like it was used for somebody’s back end.)
3. Each person reads until another “drinking qualification” is mentioned in the book.

Qualifications to drink:

1. One drink for every time “sleuthing” is mentioned.
2. One drink for mention of Ned being away at school.
3. One drink anytime Nancy laughs off the danger either Hannah or Bess warn her about.
4. One drink for anytime both Ned and Nancy get ready for a party.
5. One drink for mention of Nancy’s dad at work.
6. One drink for any criminal who catches Nancy but then lets her slip away.
7. One drink for any mention of a party at ALL.
8. One drink for any racist use of “dark” or “complexion.”
9. Two drinks anytime George appears on page.
10. And a full shot for every mention of “girl detective.”

Happy drin— ahem. Happy reading!